My daughter Norah just turned 11 last week. Eleven! I can still hardly believe it. The days of doing her hair in pig tails and dressing her in dresses with ruffles and lace seem like they were just yesterday. Now she only likes pink if it's "hot pink" and tells me she is "dating" a boy in her class. Dating. Oh. My. God. While I know it's an innocent thing, merely a way of exploring roles and being like her friends, it really got me to thiking about the developmental milestones still to come.

Not long ago, I saw a photo going around on Facebook that read:

Give, but don't allow yourself to be used.

Love, but don't allow your heart to be abused.

Trust, but don't be naive.

Listen to others, but don't lose your own voice.

Rishi

I don't know who Rishi is, but the words are very wise. When I read them, I immediately thought, "This is advice I'd give to my Norah." She's a very trusting soul and such a giver. She hates to hurt anyone's feelings. I worry that she gives more than she receives in relationships with friends at school. I don't even want to think about her first "real" boyfriend. But I have to think about it because it'll be here before I know it. There's so much I want her to know, things I wish someone had told me. While I know the lessons of love must often be learned the hard way, there are a few things I think are important to share with her.

Trust Yourself

First and foremost, I want her to always trust her gut. I tell her that now, and it's definitely important advice in a relationship. Never do anything you're not comfortable doing. Don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings or being afraid that he won't like you anymore. If you like yourself enough, it doesn't matter. I do hope I instill in her the importance of loving and trusting yourself.

Don't Let Anyone Bring You Down

Significant others are meant to build us up and support us, never to bring us down. Never, ever allow someone to convince you you're not worthwhile. If he makes you feel bad in any way on a regular basis, it's time to get out of the relationship. Even something as seemingly harmless as always being in a bad mood is reason enough to move on. You don't want to be his mother or his dumpster. It's not your job to make someone else feel better or to take someone else's garbage.

Never Settle

Never be with someone just for the sake of being with someone or so that you're not alone. If your partner doesn't make you consistently happy or if it just doesn't feel right, it's probably time to evaluate your relationship. This goes hand in hand with trusting your gut. Yes, it's nice to have a boyfriend. It's great to have someone to hang out with on the weekends and to feel special by being part of a couple. But being alone and happy is SO much better than being with someone who doesn't make your heart soar. Truly, it is.

While I could go on and on, these are the most important things I want my daughter to know. Moms, what advice would you add. As we all know, sometimes our kids are more receptive to listening to others rather than their own parents. Feel free to chime in!

Whew! Christmas is over. What takes such a big toll on your budget, you sanity and your time is blown away in a matter of minutes while the kids rip open their presents, scurry around searching madly for batteries and try to figure out their new toys without bothering to look at the damn book. All this with barely a "Thanks, Santa." But you know what? It's worth it. We had a very nice, small Christmas at home. The kids got what they wanted (Thank you, Grandma!), and I loved watching their faces light up and spending the morning just watching their excitement as they played with their new stuff.

That being said, I must confess that for the last couple months that I've been trying to work from home without the help of part-time daycare, I've nearly pulled my hair out on a daily basis. I gave up my two day a week sitter in an attempt to save money, and I'm beginning to wonder if I gave up my sanity with that decision. If you have kids, you know how expensive daycare can be. If you don't, you might be interested in this information on the costs or raising children. Playing blocks, watching endless pre-school TV and BEGGING Brady to, "Please, go potty." have just about sent me over the edge. Add that that the chaos that comes when the 10 and 13-year olds come home, and I'm usually ready for a drink by the time they're in bed. Except I'm too tired to get up and open the bottle. You see, Bil's started a new job. The pay is actually a bit less, but the benefits are better. The hours keep him away from afternoon until late. So this change in routine has taken a bit of a toll on mama.

But just the other day, I saw a post on Facebook that led me to a blog I had never visited before, Girl on Saturday. The post was about how poor Karen is now known as "Penis Mom" by the parents and teachers at her kids' school, but that it's okay because she took a stand against ridiculous gender stereotypes and was a role model for her kids. Karen is pretty cool. So cool, in fact, that I took a look at her other posts. Each one spoke to me and conveyed a lesson that I needed to learn or to be reminded of. I was especially moved by this post that gave life-changing advice on surviving the first few years of raising kids. Karen reminded me that, though parenting can certainly be mind-numbing, it can also be some of the best moments of your life. She emphasized what's important, and I intend to keep those things in mind when I'm thisclose to having my next breakdown. If you feel like you just can't take one more second of the mind-numbing routine that has become your life, please head over to read Karen's advice. I guarantee it will help you out.

Okay, I literally need to be out the door in two hours to leave for Type-A Mom, but I just had to take a minute to write this post. I've been reading a lot of bloggers' posts and tweets about the conference, and so many are feeling nervous. Especially conference newbies. While I'm not the most experienced, I have learned some things from attending conferences and events. Here are some things I'd like to share.

Don't Get in Your Own Way

I'm speaking from experience here. Don't let yourself get so nervous or worried about not knowing anyone that you end up a nervous wreck. This defeats the whole purpose of attending a conference. Just breathe, think about what you hope to get from this experience, then head over to a group of people who look interesting and introduce yourself. I know it's a tough proposition, especially if you're shy. But I can vouch for the fact that others are feeling the exact same way, despite how things look on the outside. I've felt it, and I've read about it on countless blogs - sometimes from the people you'd least expect to be worried or self-conscious.

It Doesn't Matter What You Wear

Seriously. It doesn't. Especially at this conference. I know for a fact that Kelby Carr herself would tell you the exact same thing. Don't get me wrong. I got new clothes for the conference, and I'm looking forward to wearing them. Honestly, how often do I get the chance to go out with grown ups and have some fun? Usually, I'm sitting here at my desk. All. Day. Long. So I'm looking forward to accessorizing and breaking in some new outfits. But you want to be comfortable at a conference - both physically and with regard to self-confidence. Choose clothes that are second-nature for you. Things that make you feel good. And wear comfortable shoes. No matter what you wear, there's sure to be someone more dressed up or more casual around you. And, honestly, I don't think anyone cares. I took great care to get the cutest ballet flats for the last conference I attended, and guess how many compliments I got? Yeah, that's right. But I felt good in them!

Put Yourself Out There

Convince yourself to do as much as you can during the conference. Again, how often do we moms get a chance to experience something like this? A chance to socialize, to learn, to network. Grab it with both hands and don't let go. That's not to say you should wear yourself out trying to do absolutely everything. No way. Do the things that look most interesting to you. Approach the bloggers and brand representatives that you're dying to meet. Attend the workshops you know you'd benefit most from. Let yourself take a rest, all by yourself in your hotel room, when you need it. Hide in the bathroom if you're feeling overwhelmed, but get back out there and get what you need from being at this conference. You don't want to go home with regrets, kicking yourself for not getting enough out of the experience.

There you have it. My impromptu words of advice for attending the Type-A Mom Conference. Now I just need to remember them, myself. Be sure you grab me if you see me hiding in the bathroom, okay? See ya soon!

I wrote a post months ago about coming to terms with being a redhead, and I received a good deal of feedback on it.  As a matter of fact, I recently received a new comment on the post from a 14-year old girl named Jordan. She says:

Heyy,
i love your article, because i can relate soo much.
But unlike you, i still havent excepted it.
i'm only 14 years old, and at school you get teased soo much, not by the girls or some of the boys, but a selected few who think its funny. I don't know, i want to dye my hair soo bad but i know when i do it'll look dumb and i wont go back to the way it was.
I don't think i look bad with it but when on a regular basis i get called stupid names its just annoying considering theres ONLY like 2 redheads in my entire school.
I wish they would stop calling me like ginger, fireman, and etc.
i use to have a great amount of confidence but now everytime someone says something like that a small part chips away. My mom, family, and friends all tell me i'll love it when i'm older and they wish they had it to but honestly i bet you if they had it, they'd wish they didn't, like me. Sorry to be a bummer but its just they way it is.
thanks.

I was very glad that Jordan took the time to find my post and comment.  I hope reading my story helps her to know that it will get better.  My heart broke when I read that her self-esteem has been affected by the teasing she's received.  Confidence and self-worth are a struggle for many women, and for adolescent girls, it's even more of an issue.

On a brighter note, I received an earlier comment on this post from a 17-year old young woman named Amanda who had already come to love and appreciate her difference.  What a wonderful thing to know that she has begun the journey to self-acceptance!

First off, i'm only 17...but I look and act really mature for my age

Growing up as the only bright redheaded-freckled girl in my school was so hard.
The boys would constantly tease me! I felt like some weirdo.
But as I grew older my bright red hair turned to an auburnish color, and before I knew it I turned into a bombshell! Don't take what I'm saying as arrogance.
The boys who would tease me now think I'm gorgeous. The girls who I would wish to be in middle school now admire me! Walking down the street shopping will result in older men specifically turning around to smile or wink at me. I've had men also come up to me and say how they've never seen a more gorgeous redhead.
I also know of 2 guys in their 20's who begged me to go on dates with them. (I will eventually...) They claimed "I've always wanted to date a redhead."

I love being a redhead! It makes me so happy .
We DO get a lot of attention, and I'm sure you're very aware of that.
Thanks for your post.

- Amanda <3

Did you struggle with identity issues and self-esteem as a teenager?  What would you say to your teenage self if you were able to sit down and have a conversation with her?  I responded to both of these girls and would love to hear what you have to say.  Maybe other teenage girls will come across this post and will find comfort in your words.  Please leave your comments below!